What You Need

She hurried out of the meeting, down the elevator, and out the doors into the bright sunshine of a warm October evening. She had to get home. She needed to cry, but outside was too public. She wanted to get home as quickly as possible, and while her car was temporarily out of commission that meant she should make it to the TRAX station pronto to then catch a train home. It would take an hour, maybe more.

Try as she might, the tears sprang to her eyes, streamed down her cheek, and caught in her throat as the thoughts swirled. This was the umpteenth time she cried in a matter of days and she felt weak for it. How much money did she have saved? She'd checked earlier that day. How much would the car cost? And now, she had to retake an oral proficiency test because it had expired? Then, too, there was the PRAXIS to think about for her subject area, not to mention the courses that would be required. At least her lack of finding housing closer to work meant some money saved there... But what of savings? So much for that ever elusive future wedding, money for a new apartment and furniture,  and savings in general to fall back on.

She thought of her sister, who at that moment was likely in greater pain, laboring through childbirth and felt a mixture of sympathy for the sister and a twinge of regret for her own dreams yet unrealized.
She'd pictured college graduation, marriage, and children by now. Reality was college graduation, more college and another graduation, work, and now a new teaching job. She'd hit the ground running and now she felt herself faltering, which made her even more frustrated.

In her heart of heart, she cried out, hoping heaven would hear, "This isn't what I wanted! This isn't what I wanted!"

Heaven did hear, and answered, "But it's what you needed. It's what you need."

This was the same answer she'd received when she'd asked why her siblings had the dream she'd yearned for and she was the one denied it. Why? Because it was what they needed and her path was the one of experiences she needed. Needed for what? To grow. To progress. Her time would come.

The tears lingered, but her rapid heartbeat and breathing slowed as she reached the TRAX station. She'd arrived with minutes to spare, even. Her problems weren't gone; far from it. But she was on her way home and she knew she'd make it. Exactly how was uncertain, but she was certain she was where she needed to be and for the moment, that was enough.

3 Ne. 13:30-34
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith.
 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
 32 For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. 

Humor in the Scriptures

On Monday, I was discouraged. My friend (the very same who said I should have a blog) recommended I take a break from work to stop at the Salt Lake Temple, which is on the same block as my FamilySearch job. I had considered it myself already and agreed that it would help me, whether to find comfort or inspiration.

A half hour was all I needed, as it turns out. Sitting quietly by myself, I said a prayer, at first filled with the turmoil of my thoughts as I thought of all my worries, concerns, and uncertainties. Somehow, as one thought confusedly spilled over another, the raging flood slowed into a calm stream and my thoughts shifted from me to those I care about. My pregnant younger sister, my aunt and injured uncle, my friend struggling against Lyme disease... I prayed for them and in doing so found peace.

I also picked up some scriptures. If I'm not picking up where I left off, I often flip open to a page at random to see what piece of revelation awaits me. The later was the case this time and the book I held fell open to Alma 26.

"23 Now do ye remember, my brethren, that we said unto our brethren in the land of Zarahemla, we go up to the land of Nephi, to preach unto our brethren, the Lamanites, and they laughed us to scorn?
24 For they said unto us: Do ye suppose that ye can bring the Lamanites to the knowledge of the truth? Do ye suppose that ye can convince the Lamanites of the incorrectness of the traditions of their fathers, as stiffnecked a people as they are; whose hearts delight in the shedding of blood; whose days have been spent in the grossest iniquity; whose ways have been the ways of a transgressor from the beginning? Now my brethren, ye remember that this was their language."

I smirked; my modern-day Lamanites are my middle-schoolers. My friends and family certainly aren't laughing me to scorn, but there seems to be a general sentiment that those kids are crazy and just very well may eat me alive!  Really, I've seen how poorly kids who learn Spanish in secondary schools speak Spanish when they reach the university. Why should I even hope to teach my kids much? How much are they going to retain?

Go ahead. Reread the passage, replacing "Lamanites" with "middle school students."

See what I mean? Yes, God MUST have a sense of humor to show me a passage like the one above to cheer me up! It also shows that He knows my sense of humor, too.

I read on, wondering what gem would reveal itself. I wasn't disappointed.

"26 But behold, my beloved brethren, we came into the wilderness not with the intent to destroy our brethren, but with the intent that perhaps we might save some few of their souls.
27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.
28 And now behold, we have come, and been forth amongst them; and we have been patient in our sufferings, and we have suffered every privation; yea, we have traveled from house to house, relying upon the mercies of the world—not upon the mercies of the world alone but upon the mercies of God."

Like the Lord comforted them, at that moment, through their words and wisdom from their trials, He comforted me. I can succeed and with Him, I will. I don't know how I'll get to school to teach for the next couple of weeks, but I don't need to know the end from the beginning. And every day I have seen God's mercies for me through others' kindness and service. Yes, He has a sense of humor, and He uses it to bless His children in every stage of life.

Can Life Be Too Interesting?

At this moment, I'm tempted to say, "Yes." Can I please have a little less interesting than no apartment, a long commute, a broken down car, and now--to top it off--an unreadable USB that has the best versions of my lesson plans and family history?

Yeah, I have a roof over my head still. I simply am worried about the traffic once the snow comes and the possibility of getting in an accident. It doesn't help, either, that I stay up super late (like tonight), getting lessons ready and papers graded, only to have to wake up early to commute. If/when I find an apartment, I'll be able to save myself time and avoid potential accidents.

...Oh, my car.
...Oh, my USB.

My brother, the family computer guru, was the one who told me the USB was unreadable. I hoped it was just his computer's problem. Nope.

My cousin, a family mechanic pro, was the one who told me my engine was probably detonating (igniting gas too soon). I hoped the rattle was not really a big deal. Nope.

Thankfully, I have some of my teaching materials saved elsewhere.

Thankfully, my car lasted as long as it did; my cousin said the detonating could've ruined the engine and that the timing belt was about to break.

Sometimes, I want to run away from my responsibilities, and for once I can for a few days this week because it is the school's fall break. What will I be doing? Spending time back home with my family there because my baby sister and her husband are having a baby! Goes to show that when all is said and done, at least I know I can fall back on family. When everything else seems to fall apart, they're there for me.

New Adventures

"Your life is so interesting! You should have a blog. "

So said my friend/coworker, who was surprised to find out I already do.

My blog started as a travel log as a grad student. Three and a half years and countless decisions later, here I am again at last. I wish it were for another travel log to a far-off country, but for now it'll be about my adventures closer to home. Before, I was a graduate student and graduate instructor; now I'm graduated, I've spent almost a year and a half in the workforce with FamilySearch.org, and (as if that weren't enough) I'm a middle school Spanish teacher!

My work with FamilySearch has been in-depth and varied, and I love that I get an insider look at the system. I've also been blessed with unique opportunities to do family history research.

My time with FamilySearch as a contractor has been terminal from the outset, and a turn of events led me to consider being Profe Bean again--and after more turns of events, here I am, fulfilling both roles!

My student instructor days were helpful, but boy is teaching pre-teens and teens a new ball game! And yet, I don't regret it.

New teacher supplies from my mentors, including "Teacher Kibble" AKA Cookies 'N Cream candies. ☺

Let me tell you, I was scared for my first parent-teacher conferences yesterday as the teacher, but it went splendidly. I talked with parents of struggling students as well as of excelling students. They don't know I was hired a week before school started, that I'm still in the licensure process, and that I am constantly swaying back and forth between feeling like an incompetent novice and a confident instructor. I was pleasantly surprised to find that none of them blamed me for anything. No; in fact, some even thanked me for my work and communication with them!

Validated? Oh, yes, and it is sweet.

And now, time to grade papers...