However, I am not here to write about my dear former students or my new schedule this Fall. Rather, I am here because I realized it's been awhile and it just so happens that I've thought a lot about life this summer. Perhaps one particular catalyst for this post is one of my new colleagues, whom I met this morning. I don't know much about him--only enough to relate with him when he told me he hadn't even planned to do an MA a year ago, because I was in much the same position just before I graduated with my BS. Had you asked me just over a year before graduating if I expected to be a flourishing grad student in Hispanic Linguistics, I would have told you I was too scared. Shoot, sometimes it still scares me! And if you'd asked me when I was a graduating senior in high school what I planned to study, Spanish was a mere hobby, not even on my list of potential foci for a BS/BA. Not to mention that I would've looked at you with a gaze of sheer shock, eyes bugging out of my head in unbelief had you told me then where I'd be today. Some of the shock has worn off (both for me, my colleagues, and my professors, to be sure!), but there are still times, I think to myself, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!" But believe me that those are moments of awe and wonder, marveling in the wisdom of God's timing and his ways. Why? Because despite so many odds, I am where I am and I am here for a reason.
In elementary, my teachers thought that advancing me would make me "average." Boy, were they wrong. Besides, as a friend pointed out most of the population is technically "average," so how is that so bad?
In high school, I dared follow my siblings' steps by participating in Running Start, aka concurrent enrollment, allowing me to complete high school requirements by working on my AAS.
In my undergrad, my dad and best friend in particular encouraged me to continue studying Spanish and my mom supported me in my desires to study Home and Family Living and prepare to marry and raise a family of my own one day. In the process, I followed divine guidance by living in the Foreign Language Residence rather than participate in studies or internships abroad. By the end, another friend's nudge helped propel me towards ultimately deciding to go for an MA.
Thanks to the good faith of the Spanish linguistic professors here, I was accepted into the program. Once again following divine guidance, I sought out counsel as to how to fund a trip to Europe. Enter the FLAS program and all the plans and spontaneities that came to fruition this summer.
I may not be a returned missionary (RM) who served Spanish-speaking, I may not be the most mature or the most experienced, I may not have the best, most fluid Spanish, and I certainly don't have the most concrete plans for the future, but as I said before, I am where I am for a reason. And as unique as I am, I am not by far the only one whose life heavenly Father has a hand in. We all make plans, begin to follow them, and accomplish some, totally own others, and are dumbfounded by yet others. But there always is a way, despite all the turns. For me, those were not getting married in my 5-year plan, becoming the most inexperienced grad student in Spanish, and learning French in Paris. And as frustrating as it is for plans to go cattywampus, who's to say they are blessings in disguise? For me, the extra time being single allowed me to wander Europe freely, the Spanish MA gave me a job and credentials to receive the FLAS grant and have spending money, and Paris gave me the chance to explore Europe. Oh, I know that not everything is as colossal as it has somehow turned out to be for me; in the case of a former student a car accident and subsequent surgery turned out to be blessings in disguise because the leftover settlement funds are now paying her tuition. In Les Misérables, the tragedy of Eponine's death turned out to free Marius to marry Cosette, his love. For others, the hidden blessing comes from married while going to school, realizing that money is tight, but still being generous and suddenly receiving food and gas as thanks in return; getting a hard, last-minute one-semester teaching job that earns you enough money to continue on with your own education; taking extra time and falling "behind" because your big project isn't coming along like the others', only to realize that at least by delaying graduation you are still eligible for insurance; not being able to have children, but actively participating in the community, thereby being able to work closely with others' children and becoming a second mother to many; feeling heartbreak when a relationship (of any kind) doesn't work out, but really it was so you could find someone better or appreciate better what you had and joy in the day it really all does come together (because IT WILL); having to move back home after earning a BS, but finding that you know you are closer as a family as a result; working custodial day after dreary day, finally to one day have someone thank you and it makes your day; or experiencing weakness upon weakness, to see one day how it has made you more Christlike and empathetic towards others who suffer. In every case, the situation isn't exactly ideal, but the experience builds strength and shows us what we can endure and what truly matters in life. Coming back to the Les Mis example, Eponine was right when she says the rain doesn't hurt, but that it makes the flowers grow.
So, for every up and down recorded here on my little blog from this summer with its gamut of experiences, there is surely a million other disappointments and joys and blessings in disguise, rains and meadows of blooming, fragrant flowers that you, my friends, are expert in and could tell me about. And I'd love to be your listening ear. It's the least I can do, really, as thanks for doing the same for me! Remember that you are not alone and that Heavenly Father is working hard in your life and that he loves you! As the songs says, "That's all you [and I] need to know."
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