#WhyImSingle

Two recent major pieces of news in particular have revealed divine purpose in my being where God wants me to be:

1. A new friend I met and have shared the gospel with has decided to be baptized (on my birthday!!!).
2. My brother and his wife have had a baby (awesome!) and found out that he has a serious congenital heart defect (not-so-awesome).

My role in #1 and the importance of my having moved is somewhat obvious. If I hadn't moved, I wouldn't have made the new friend and I wouldn't have been able to share the gospel with her.

My role in #2 is less obvious, but still simple. Where I live if halfway between the hospital caring for my new nephew and where my brother lives with his family. My convenient location provided me the opportunity to serve my brother, his wife, and his mother-in-law by opening my home to them as a way station from the hospital and babysitting their toddler so they could focus on their newborn.

I often wonder aloud or to myself how I've come to be where I am today. More recently, the wondering wanders to why I felt I should move; after all, my life still mostly consists of work A, work B, church activities, friends, and family (not in that order). Almost as soon as I ask myself why did I move? I think of the benefits I now enjoy as a result: less time commuting; easier access to family & friends in multiple towns, the temple, and work; new friendships; more independence. My musing of how and why also tend to be answered through life's twists and turns. Maybe this is #WhyImSingle !

If I'd had my way, I would be a married stay-at-home mom with a few kiddos of my own by now, and maybe a concert flautist or world-renowned author. Then again, if I'd had my way, I would have also missed out on some of the best experiences of my life, would have missed out on meeting my new friend and sharing the gospel with her, and would have had a harder time being available to serve my brother and his family. I would not have an MA in Spanish, nor would I be influencing young minds through teaching. In short, my life would be drastically different than it is.

My birthday is coming up and I'm excited. However, as I hear of friends' birthday plans, such as staying in a 5-star hotel or traveling to Sweden, I think, "Wow, maybe I should do something more exciting..." But wait--my birthday is going to be one of the best because on the anniversary of my physical birth, a friend of mine will be reborn spiritually and there's almost nothing better than that!

What's more, some of my friends and family have reminded me of small moments I've shared with them and I'm reminded yet again that who I am is not found in the rare big trips or luxury experiences (as great as those are), but in the everyday interactions I have with those around me. When I'm old and gray, those who know me will think first of what I said to or did for them. So far, what they have to say is pretty positive, so I must be doing something right with my life.

I'm so grateful for the heartfelt conversations that allow my fellow brothers and sisters on earth and me to get to know each other as well as share in struggles and learn together. I'm so grateful for my family and the support we bring to one another. The family is truly "ordained of God" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). He has a plan for me. He has a plan for you. Maybe you're single like me, married like my friends, and/or raising children. No matter the situation, know that God knows why you're single, why you're married, why you have your children, why you are where you are. He knows. And His plan is glorious!

Trusting the Master Gardener

See that plant there? It's mine. :)

See that leaf shooting out of the top? It's a symbol of life and growth in times of drought.

Drought? Yes. I hadn't watered the plant the entire time I was gone for Christmas break, for 2.5 weeks.

Honestly, I was shocked that, rather than wither away and die, it grew--in fact, it flourished! (See photo for proof.)

One of my first thoughts was, "I have to blog about this; it has so much relevance to life!" Another thought was that my plant was overdue for more water, so I gave it plenty; it had waited long enough. And guess what happened to it in the next few days? To my dismay, it became sick. The usually healthy leaves turned brown towards the ends and one entire leaf withered up!

I knew yet again that I needed to blog about my little plant. In a very real way, in doing so I'm blogging about myself and each one of us.

God is the Master Gardener: He knows each of his plants (us), He's planted each one in a specific place, and He knows how much sunlight (inspiration) and water (spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental nourishment) each of His plants needs in order to not only survive, but thrive. He is ever aware of His garden's well-being. This means that if a plant needs more water, He'll give it more. more sunlight? Done. The opposite is true, too; the plants that do better in dry or indirectly lit areas will receive less water or sunlight. If too much water is given to a desert plant like mine, for example, it can actually hurt the plant more than help it.

What I'm saying doesn't mean that He favors one plant over another. Instead, it means that He takes perfect care of each one in a specific, purposeful, and careful way. 

The day I came back to work and saw my plant after Christmas break was just after I'd moved. I felt lonely, frustrated, stressed, and worried about being forgotten. I knew God loved me and that I still had my family and at least some friends. I knew Heavenly Father was aware of my needs and that I'd moved for a reason. But I wondered if God would keep His promises in the way I interpreted them. I mean, He is perfect, but I'm not and I very well may have been misinterpreting what He was telling me through prayers, scriptures, feelings, the Spirit, and others' words. In a small but profound way, seeing that my plant was thriving on the water I'd given it a couple weeks beforehand was a message from the Gardener to me: This is a time of growth for you. You'll flourish. I'm paying attention. And you know what? A cup with water was right next to the plant the whole time, ready for the next watering.

So, the next time you feel stuck and feel like God isn't hearing your pleas for more, think of my plant. More importantly, think of the Gardener's message to YOU: This is a time of growth for you. You'll flourish. I'm paying attention.

Joshua 1:9 "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

Follow-up: Test Worries (or the Lack Thereof)

I rocked it. I wasn't perfect, but I did my best and I felt like my abilities were at their peak, thanks to divine help. Family and friends prayed for me, which is touching to know in its own right, and it helps, too, that I know I'm where God wants me to be in my life. (Aside: If it were up to me, I'd hurry up and change a few things, but there's a reason why the Man Upstairs is in charge.)

So how did I do?

• OPI: Advanced-mid That is to say, my speaking ability in Spanish is advanced--not the Superior or Advanced-high I was hoping for, but it's still an improvement over last time. I think what prevented me from reaching higher levels was a lack of organized arguments in a discussion/presentation of ideas, but that's not exactly how I speak even in English. I'm better with writing when it comes to that. At any rate, I surpassed the Advanced-low state requirement.
• PRAXIS: Passed! On a scale of 100-200, I got 189, and Utah only requires 168 to be able to teach. Again, my presentational speaking was weaker, but I aced the written portion.

Okay, despite all my seeming confidence and apparent nonchalant attitude conveyed in my last post, I did get nervous, just not as nervous as I would have been without having prepared a decade for this. I learned from my scores that I'm not perfect, but I would've been lying to myself to say otherwise. Like I tell my students and am trying to put to words, perfection isn't everything. My students won't learn how to conjugate all verbs overnight, but they can master a few -ar, -ir, -er verbs for now. However, mastery≠perfection.

Hear me out! I say "mastery" and "perfection" are not necessarily synonymous with one another for a reason. See, "mastery" could mean over a concept, a small portion of a greater whole. Now, "perfection" means "wholeness, completeness." I teach, hoping that my students will master present tense verbs in Spanish, but by no means should I expect them to speak perfect Spanish by the end of the unit, or even the end of the year. 

Moral of the story: The same mastery≠perfection concept applies to you and me; we're here to learn and grow, and our trials, our joys, and even the mundane everyday moments of our lives help us to master skills we acquire, whether by necessity or choice. For example, I've mastered Spanish well enough that the state will allow me to continue teaching. I see that I still have room for improvement, but I was blessed to do well enough and I'm sure God will continue to help me improve. By the end of my life and yours, odds are we'll be pros in many ways, having mastered a number of skills, but we won't be perfect human beings. That's what eternity's for. That's what the atonement is for. Christ makes up the difference, as long as we do our best and let Him help us along.

We don't have to be perfect. What matters most is our willingness to try, to do our best. :)

Here's to 2015! Let's make it one of mastery moments. 

God bless you, my friends.

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” ~L. M. Mongomery, Anne of Green Gables